May 14 (friday): I currently am very down and all blame falls on work. Crystal Financial continues to drive me bolo and this is really hindered by the fact that their main director who is keeping books isn't helping me out. And then Granddad makes more digs about my Pipeline job. I really don't know why he is so on my case, I can guess as my attitude brought on by HIS actions is the worst but he cast the first stone. And this is all tit for tat and childish but it seems he is the bigger kid. I can't cope with this pressure, I never faced this stress at my previous two employers. I really ought to leave but I fear I'll only wind up facing such problems all over again. Or maybe not. Who knows? My best bet seems to move on. Lucky for me Azmei can see I'm tearing my hair and she suggests that we go to lunch. We don't really talk about things but its just nice to be there and be with someone. Its all laboured but makes me feel better nad brings me back down to earth. She also comes with me to Holland And Barrett to get the St John's Wort stuff (and my annual exam revision Gingko). She then buys flowers for a cemetry visit at the weekend, flowers which I end up carrying back to the office while she goes to the opticians. I either looked really romantic or really wet carrying flowers around town, I couldn't decide.

Straight from work me and Stevo meet Chris at the Odeon to watch Football Factory. I realise this makes two fridays running watching that film, is that healthy? The version in the cinema is quite different to my bootleg copy, most notably the soundtrack and Danny Dyer's voiceover. I actually prefer the "rough" cut. Oh well.

Its not even 7pm when we leave the cinema so the night is on early. And it is a blazing glory. We head for Edwards and chill out. Stevo and Chris are chalk and cheese. I just want to sit and mong, I don't really want to get pissed up beyond belief so I leave them two to it. Whilst there Lucy keeps calling Chris and I text Sarah to see if she wants to come out. No dice.

Things get ropey at Edwards around 9pm so we head for the Playhouse and do the old OLD friday night routine. By now Stevo is pretty pissed and Chris is beginning to misbehave. As we get there, opposite outside Vagabonds is Jim Jepps our old ex-housemate, the socialist! We give a nervous laugh and hope he doesn't see us. Inside the Playhouse we luck out and get seated. We look around and take it all in. The Playhouse is not as busy these days as it used to be and last time I was there on a friday, most people almost seemed pre-teen. Tonight people still look young but not TOO young. Not many girls are attractive, most are skanks. The real good looking ones look mongrel. We recognise faces but know not names. Then I see someone from our football team wednesday. Stevo denies it is him (James Warner) so we don't acknowledge him. To be honest though, he looks much better off without us. We then see Paul from Birkett Long (our soccer victims) and for the first time in history, he acknowledges me away from five-a-side. And then our final recognition: Gimp Boy. Steve finds much amusement in his lack of glasses for the first time and the fact he's on his own, Steve is so harsh on Gimp Boy I begin to pity the fool. Again Chris gets a/the call and gets tetchy about leaving this place to go to the Hole In The Wall. Stevo is oblivious to this apparent urgency and I just think its funny, I am never in a hurry to go to that fucking place.

Eventually we get to the Bumhole and Chris hooks up. Steve Nice is out and as ever rubs me up the wrong way, luckily tonight though Stevo is in place to amuse them and take the brunt of their useless snide remarks. Die already!

For some reason we go to the Arts Centre and reggae night. WHY????? In the queue my cousin Phill grabs and talks. He is the success story of my family, not me. We have crackheads in Greenstead but still I am not top of the heap. With Phill also is Phill's friend including Lindsey's friend Frances. I wonder what (if) stories Lindsey has told about me.

We get in and struggle to get into the groove (although eventually we do). Chris disappears. Lucy disappears. I am left holding the Stevo bag. We see Jez from five-a-side and I watch him as he attempts to chat to Vanessa Paradis (alike) and her odd looking attractive friend. I watch in awe as really I fancy them most. I watch unsurprised when they shoot him down.

Tonight at the Arts Centre is hard work, not many faces out I know and no one else to talk to. With minutes to go the smell of desperation is the heaviest stench and right now two funny looking women (not quite mingers) are beginning to buzz around me and Stevo. However, at this point Stevo declares fuck it and we leave at 1.50 AM just as our star/best chance were shining. Probably for the best I guess

We leave and for the first time Stevo is complaining about spending too much money ("really?"). Because of this we opt out of food for home (although I do slightly home Stevo will get a pizza). On the way back we pop into Chernobyl, I have a suit jacket to pick up and stationery for next week. Stevo gets to working at Sage and starts shouting at the screen on his PC ("password? fucking password?") and flobbing at it. This is a bad place to be. We break into the Butt Road car park and Stevo drink drives us home (badly). We get in shattered, defeated and beaten. I'm officially off socialising, I no longer want to go out or get drunk ever again. I have another headache and its name is Stevo. I crash out but joy of joy find a film worthy of our situation: Grumpier Old Men