Monday, May 17, 2004

May 12 (wednesday): I go into work pretty pissed off. I barely speak to Azmei but manage it. At lunchtime me and Chris go to lunch with Stevo at Nandos. He pays for all three of us, we are slags. In the afternoon things are made worse when Who reviews my Acme Maintenance work and fails to say a good work about anything of it, instead choosing to pick holes in the most petty of issues. Useless Granddad. In the evening we play football against Birkett Long and we stuff them so I don't really worry or put much effort into saving shots. After I go shopping I go home, life in the fastlane.

May 13 (thursday): more grief at work and Acme Financial Management is a beast that won't die. Is it me or am I being giving the worst jobs going in the firm? Worse, me and Sarah were supposed to be going to see Van Helsing saturday night (a compromise on Troy) but now unforts she is now working. At lunchtime I really blow my Atkins and buy the biggest, meanest sandwhich roll in history from Spar. It is fucking foul. I dunno. I go to my session with a headache, feeling stressed out. It turns out to be a really emotional session and pushed I would have teared. Things are getting on top of me: exams, qualification and now work most of all. Work has never stressed me out before but management where I work appear to be negative motivators and they only make me feel bad, bad as in incompetent and useless. I get asked if I am thinking about gargling draino and, to be honest, I have been. I ask if I think I am clinically depressed. It's never been proved. It is suggested that I visit my GP and get back on anti-depressents. I can't though, with exams coming up it would mean I'd just snooze through revision and exams. I get recommended/suggested something called Sir John's Wort instead, a vitamin, herbal anti depressant. At this point I will give anything a go. I leave feeling battered and low and very embarassed at being so frank and what feels pathetic. As promised I go around Chris' afterwards although I really don't want to and I am not in the right frame of mind. We try putting a hooky version of Photoshop on his PC (after he feeds me) but it doesn't work. I leave just after ten. I don't win friends with salad


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