June 4 (Friday): I wake up swimming in pessimism. Last night was a drag, I guess I take things hard and overreact inside but still no one likes being made to feel like Mr Irrelevant do they. I really worry more than ever these days over how girls perceive me, god they seem to enjoy boring the hell out of me telling me their life’s stories. In Anything Else Woody Allen says “I have this belief that too much rejection causes cancer�. Maybe.

Today I am at home and it’s with the intention to study, focus and pass. However I just know that once the tv gets turned on I will be lost from study. And it happens almost immediately, I switch on the telly as soon as I wake up and it never gets turned off. Still, I do skim study, which in itself is alarming as it isn’t really a very productive way of learning/revising.

I jack in for lunch and head for Asda. I check my emails and Chris has had B texting him. I’ve emailed her a couple of times recently but she texts only him and not me. This lingers and prolongs my slump (exam season sends me insane anyways). Asda will probably be my one sole area of entertainment today (poor state of affairs) so I really make the most out of it (loser).

I come back to an email telling me that I am “a disgrace to the Ebay community�. Jesus, the guy should see me in everyday life. My kingdom for some horse....or a place in the Big Brother house.

However, I am back in touch with Phoebe today so that will make any bad day better although as I type this Soulseek has gone offline, restoring my row of bad luck.

Friday afternoon depression (FAD) arrives. I watch Woody Allen movies again instead of revising/studying. For some reason to me there is a real ring to watching Woody Allen movies on Friday afternoons, I think it is because I can equate it to watching Broadway Danny Rose whilst skiving off college when younger and watching Hollywood Ending whilst on holiday in Sacramento last year, both on Friday arbos. These films have a warm brown glow that is timeless and are seeped in subtle dry wit much akin to myself (ho ho). Anything Else particularly touches a nerve, the way Jason Biggs is with Christina Ricci and yet she keeps rejecting him point blank 100% until it serves her needs…..did Woody write this movie with me in mind?

Friday night in, my god that is tragic. It begins with me watching Reefer Madness and glancing out of the window watching the night transform into gold (from a summer’s evening’s weather sense).

I am loving Big Brother, I don't want any of them to leave the house. Stuart is a floppy twat though, be cool if he got the boot. Kitten can't leave, she's a stupid cow but she keeps arguing with everyone and it’s priceless. Ahmed's arguments are great too, especially the one he had with Marco. Also keep Nadia in, she's well funny, she looks rougher by the day, poor bloke. Plus Emma is so thick, she makes me feel like Stephen Hawking. However though it is Kitten that gets the boot tonight and by the end of the interview with Davina (looking good these days by the way) she is looking uncomfortable and squirmy to the point that she is about to have a breakdown. They say contestants get screened before psychologists before going in, well then how the hell did she get through? Plant!
Shortly after I receive a text message wishing me “sweet dreams� and it makes my day complete. Sweet dreams.

np Kelis – Rolling Through The Hood