Saturday, June 12, 2004

June 10 (Thursday): Wha' happened? I awaken free from exam stress ready to return to work proper. Able to anticipate all questions ahead of me, before the leaving the house all answers are/were well prepared. Azmei picks me up and it is great to see her again. Our walk into work together is fantastic, the pair of us are buzzing and we talk at great speed and length all the way to the office, it feels fantastic to feel us two feeling excited about things again. Work is a slight drag though, I am alone in Chernobyl and bored for it. I dig into work but it is just not enough so instead I waste large chunks of the morning doing exam talk with Louise. Again, I am unhappy at work.

Here's something new though, it appears the firm has discovered some chartered (ie qualified) 25 year old woman who is about to join the firm. And this coming when a few months ago the firm seemed obviously overstaffed and somewhat top heavy. After my initial gut reaction of “cool, she might be fit!� it suddenly dawns on me than she is likely to leapfrog me. To this, I am alarmed.

In the evening I have my session and I have so much to talk about discuss. It isn’t overly productive, just a long session of me getting things off my chest. It was kinda funny how the doctor took me to one side just before the session start saying “I know England is playing this time next week, do you want to re-arrange?�.

So, tonight it was Azmei’s leaving do at Ask. Sadly I have long been blasé about the whole situation and to be honest I don’t put much effort into it. I did look around the clothes shops at lunch and find some nice stuff but it was just a bit too expensive for an occasion I am not really overly interested in celebrating. Instead I wore the top I bought back in January for that leaving do. And what’s more, I didn’t find it in my clean clothes, instead I locate it under a pile of other stuff. The term “buy yourself an iron� came to mind.

I meet up with Ivan and Randy Pan in O'Neill's for a pre-drink (going there straight from the session). Yalla yalla, I just turn up frazzled (a current recurring theme for me) and attempt to join in but only to limited results. Eventually we turn up at Ask, in an attempt it seems to be later than Andrex, who usually arrives last in an attempt to be the bell of the ball. She still beats us though, to being late.

Again I get lucky and get to sit at the meal with Azmei and on my other side is Ivan, I joke about being the “golden ticket�, best laugh I get all night as I slowly get drunker and drunker and space out further. The food is good and I am hungry. Ivan is pissed and talking for England, mainly to the bosses. Thanks to the gobshite, I also get to eat a good proportion of his meal also (hey, everyone is commenting on how much weight I have lost). Things swing but I really don't get far with Azmei, I really think she would have had a better time sat next to someone other than me (although she did call me over as we took our places). There is presentation and she gets her gift, does a speech and nearly cries and I am really touched by her emotion. That soon passes when desert comes. Still starving I scoff my own in seconds and then Ivan gives me his. I then notice Azmei has left half hers and it is a half desert I get to down. There is also champagne sloshing about as Melchard has bought some to celebrate his becoming a grandfather. Champagne tastes so good.

The mean ends and Azmei's sister Sarah turns up. As we leave the table I take a flower and give it to her. Smooth criminal, she tells me no one has ever given her a flower before. However, I am too wankered to impress further. We wander over to Edwards (eventually) and I am now far from my element. And what’s worth no one is acknowledging my existence it seems, fair play really as I am so drunk I am pretty much incapable of string any sensical conversation together. Ivan is more drunk but to his credit, when bollocksed he can get gobby and very entertaining. And I watch him at the bar talking to Lindsey closely, as Andy has grabbed Azmei and Sarah to talk and all in all I am envious of everyone basically for their simple ability to talk to girls when drunk. I promise, I never intended to get drunk tonight. Sarah eventually starts talking to me but I get ratty and start a minor rant about her pissing me off last Thursday. It probably wasn't as bad rant as I imagine (she kept texting me afterwards) but still I know how I can become a monster when drunk. To the left there is this slosh pup/disco tart with the shortest skirt imaginable on. I keep pointing her out to Sarah, I am an arsehead. Eventually Azmei comes over and I don’t what to say so I just hug her for quite a long time (she later tells me).

Slowly people get picked up/off and a lift home or two is offered to me. I however see tonight as an opportunity to go to Club Acme and it ends up with Jack leading me and Randy Pan there. All the way I talk shit to them about the country (I always choose the most inappropriate times and states to raise work issues with them). Seems my piss poor performance this first half of 2004 has been noticed and now I am being handed over to Randy Pan for mentoring and that I “will be earning ten grand more than you are in a couple of year’s time�. Can I quote that?

So, I leave the country and go into Club Acme. Oh, its as horrible as I remember. Early on I am grabbed by a lady called Rio. She takes me to a corner for a dance and asks for the money. Jack said he could pay for this one (“reward for working hard on the exams�) and embarrassingly, as she has already started stripping off, I have to send her over to him for the payola. She does her thing, her tricks. I'm too pissed to experience it. I remain limp (whoops) and I think she registers this and says, to quote, “I’ve got a right one here�. Hey, hey, HEY! Whatever, this is soon forgotten when she rubs her tits in my face. I do my usual Q&A thing with the dancing when I get bored (embarrassed) and there it ends. I return to the table with Randy Pan and Jack. Jack enjoys many dances but Randy Pan doesn't any. A blonde girl recognises me from last year and starts talking to me (poor her, “I’m too pissed love� and its not worth hustling me, I only have a fin in my pocket). I take some pictures with my phone of the dancers and I get told off. I am also spending lots of time texting Sarah for some reason. Chucking out time comes and I am relieved. Jack goes to me “so you’re back at work tomorrow then�, I was at work today, Jesus Christ that just sums up how invisible and irreverent you become when stuck over the road in Chernobyl.

I begin walking home and stop off on the way at Asda (guess how I got there……) to get some water so I don’t have a hangover in the morning. That was freaky. As I leave I see the girl with the disgustingly short skirt. Slag. I don’t know what I did when I got in other than lose my mobile, find my calculator looking for my phone and finally I find my phone again. Wanker. If you ever meet, please don’t get me drunk.

np: Morrissey - You Are The Quarry (LP)


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