July 1 (Thursday): For a second morning running I awaken from a dream about working at BS & Co.  I am scared to death, working life is wearing me out.  So where am I?  Beats me (up).

I trudge into work but there’s nothing really there for me to do, both jobs I am currently charging on are in a state of limbo and I’ve exhausted the work that I can do on them without having the further information that I require.

At dinnertime I go for lunch with Azmei.  Her sister drops her off outside the office in her shitty brown Ka so obviously she didn’t wrap it around a lamppost driving it home over the limit Friday night.  I’m in a weird mood, frazzled as per usual these, it is the summer, the heat and the hate, it does me in.  Neither of us can decide where to go so we wind up going to Nandos for lunch.  Its horribly average and almost laboured, part of me thinks/realises that me and Azmei will never really be close friends ever again.  An interesting thing though, I brace myself for some flack with regards to Friday night but it turns out that Sarah never even told her that I went along to the works “doâ€�.  Sign of a guilty conscience?  I say a few bad things but bite my lip and don’t go too far into things other than saying “we had an argumentâ€�.  I drop the subject.  Conversation is really disturbingly laboured.  I was considering opening up some more today and going emo on her but ultimately it feels too little too late and entirely pointless by now.  Lunch passes with a whim and we part ways.  Ideally this should be the last time we ever see each other, any further contact will ruin/tarnish any idealised notions/versions of the times we used to spend late last year/early this year.

To match my mood, I quickly pop to the HMV sale to buy a Morrissey CD for three quid.  What a rotter.

Things get bad when Azmei texts about an hour into the afternoon.  It seems she has mentioned Friday to Sarah and Sarah has gone and told Azmei what I said was untrue.  Grief, I barely said anything about things.  And I’m getting double texts from Azmei, seems she is kicking off.  I tell her it is a “mountain out of a molehillâ€�.  I can’t believe her sister, she’s a prize shit.  That ends.

In the early evening, before the football, I pop to Asda to get money for tomorrow and to the train station to get tickets so that I don’t have to be fucking about with them in the morning.  Azmei texts and tells me she isn’t going up to London tomorrow now, she is going Monday now instead.  She tells me its because she doesn’t have paperwork that she needs for tomorrow (to wire money to Pakistan or something) but I get paranoid and I think our little spat this afternoon has prompted her to blow me out.  I actually was really looking forward to going up to London together and I feel really let down, yet again.  She can’t get away with this.

I get home in time to catch the beginning of tonight’s Euro 2004 and it’s Greece v the Czech Republic.  For me it’s the Czechs all the way baby!  Of the four teams from the semis, only Holland and the Czechs in my opinion look worthy champions (on paper) and now we need a team that will beat Portugal in the final because they are shits as they put England out.  Greece on the other hand, what the hell are they doing in the semi finals?  Greece are shit.  Maybe they’re not shit these days, well obviously they’re a pretty accomplished side to have gotten the results they done so far but still, like Turkey, this is a nation England used to beat 5-0 when I first got into football and that is how it should still be.

However I watch very little of the match, instead I get into a texting rally with Azmei, sending her some of the darkest cloud comments going.  I’m a shit but I also fit shit on.  I guess really in being so bleak I am fishing for texts/comments from her to make me feel better.  None come.  All I get are clichés from her suggesting a complete lack of understanding, like our friendship has never really registered with her.  I hate it when I get this way but when someone puts me in a foul mood my instincts are to make them feel the exact way right back.  Whatever, it goes on until past ten, almost as if we’re baiting each other but there is a distinct air of “I couldn’t care lessâ€� coming from her.  Whoops.

In the meantime, Greece v Czech Republic goes into extra time, this to me is absurd.  Similar to England v Portugal, when Portugal put out our big gun Rooney, tonight Greece have kicked Nedved out of the game and this has only given Greece confidence.  Eventually it happens, Greece score in extra time.  I have to admit it is a fantastic set piece goal, it happens so fast the Czechs don’t know what hits them.  It does go against the run of the game, the Czechs still look the better team.  So Greece win and go into the Euro 2004 final to cap a very bad night for me.  Greece prevailing when it is down to the competition and opponents being so bad is a really bad thing for European football, their getting to the final of Euro 2004 I am heard as saying “this is the worst thing to happen to football in my lifetimeâ€�.  Fuck, Big Brother is more interesting at the moment anyway, so I go back to watching that before passing out asleep.

np:  Sol-i - Tingling