October 6 (Wednesday): It's Insane, This Guy's Taint. I wake up this morning and broadband has officially arrived in Jason Graham's world as through the night I have successfully downloaded episodes of Meet Ricky Gervais, South Park and Kids In The Hall. I find myself spending the early part of my day, staring at my computer at tiny AVI files of some of the greatest/funniest TV shows of the last few years. It's a beautiful thing.

Getting up today and facing the world is yet another day of late up and late in. Where is my heart? Before leaving for work, I take one of the golf clubs from the boot of the bubble car and place it into the boot of my Focus. It is mine now.

Today is Azmei's birthday and shortly after 9 AM I text her "happy birthday". I get no reply immediately, eventually I barely get any reply at all. Ignorant cunt.

I arrive at work this morning (after my day on the road) to discover that various jobs of mine have been given to Sandip and Lulu. Now that really makes me feel needed. And in its place I am handed three little income and expenditure jobs, jobs that are the lowest of the low, real no brainers. Jokingly, I nearly cry. And then I go over to the main office where Jack ignores me, which pretty much sets the scene/tone for my day within thirty minutes of arrival at work.

Mid morning I get a telephone call from Nat West who seem really eager to give me a loan, no questions. I get calls like this regularly from these lot, hustling/hassling me trying to get/talk me into taking loans that are not necessarily the most financially sound options, they must think I am really green. I hear the guy out though and it sounds like a loan will be very easy to get, it is just how good the deal will be.

At lunchtime, with Stevo not about, I head to town with Lulu and after getting my free WWF DVD from Woolworths (a promo from The Sun), we head to Costa and do lunch there. Costa is tonnes, really nice. Corporate coffee house culture appears to have hit Colchester in the best way. I know this isn't my first time here but it is my first time macking the crowd/dwellers, mostly fit, good-looking young people. Conversation with Lulu is so so but it does shock me when talking about relationships that she actually admits to me that girls do indeed "expect more these days". Seems Lulu is about to leave home for the first time with her other half as current living arrangements are creating tension.

In the afternoon, I see Purple Haired Girl for the first time in weeks. As ever she looks fantastic, cutting edge gorgeous. And today, on both occasions passing Chernobyl, she looks in. I smile at her like there is something wrong with me, at probably ten years younger than me, she is so out of my league (old timer).

Later afternoon and I receive a phonecall from Accountancy Additions with details of a position that is opening up in Chelmsford. The women is just asking me whether she should put my CV. I guess so. The opportunity sounds mixed, it will either be fantastic or terrible but at this stage I am so blase and jaded about a new job I don't care anyways.

In the evening is this weeks league match in five-a-side and it is against the steamroller Acme Grain, a game for which none of us really seem/appear to have any enthusiasm for because it will pretty much guarantee a stuffing. However things pick up slightly when we learn that Dick's son James won't be playing as he is now at Sheffield university. This is a real left off because I really feel he is their best player. The game kicks off in more ways than one. Tonight is my 25th game of the year (I have most appearances of anyone on our team) and our team really holds out. Tonight we are: me, Kev, Jack, Jeremy, Iran and the returning Stevo. Acme Grain don't look their strongest but they still have the guy that looks like Wayne Rooney, now christened Grain Rooney (© Mark Boyle). We actually have a fantastic first half, we never lead but we do have our heads above water and at half time we go in drawing 4-4, a performance above and beyond. Tonight Acme have come up with another two youngsters, one of which wears an Arsenal shirt with the name "Fireball" on the back, which obviously makes him a cunt. The two new lads do actually give us the run around and the second half does get nasty, especially as someone on Acme really rattles Iran's cage and he begins sounding/kicking off, even to the point that Jack is heard to be telling him to calm down. And all this is lapped up by Dick, who holds things solid and later claims that this is the turning point of the match/game. Whatever, some kind of falling apart occurs in the second half and we wind up losing 14-4, failing to even score a goal in the second half. After the game, back in the changing room, Iran and Jeremy storm/stomp off almost immediately as Dick boasts how they played right into his hands and the Acme goalie (The Crab) claims the final score to actually be 17-4. Whatever. I say "bye" and leave with my head down.

Before heading home, I pop into Asda to get some dinner. Like a fatty I buy some of those Chicago Town Pizza Wraps, very healthy. It does however get embarrassing as I stand at the checkout and the till complains of a smell like damp socks. I suspect immediately that this is my doing/pong. I apologise red faced and go/get home as soon as humanly possibly.

Tonight I actually manage to get into the bath I run and get ready for my day ahead tomorrow in Mildenhall.

Arrested Development is on TV again tonight and this week the episode is even better than last, David Cross gets funnier and Portia Di Rossi better looking by the week although Jason Bateman is just not convincing as a middle-aged man.

I visit the Matador Records website and then go to sleep.

np: Helium - Pat-s Trick