Sunday, October 17, 2004

September 13 (Monday): Gualtieri. Today I awaken from a good night’s sleep. When did I actually go to bed/sleep last night? Whatever time it was, it has proved sufficient. Today there is a feeling of dread applied to this morning, the impending sense of doom has returned and with that, an air of melodrama. Out the window it is a horrible morning, the deepest darkest grey, looking like Hurricane Ivan might be about to perform a detour and pop off for a stop in Colchester.

Sara hasn’t/doesn’t bother to get in touch with me on MSN today. Best leave sleeping dogs to lie and sleep with their bosses. Rightly or wrongly, this morning I am listening to the Smashing Pumpkins. Trust me, before they got big and popular they were actually pretty soothing. I look out of the window and it is absolutely teeming down with rain. Before I leave home, my nerves get shaken as not one but two piles of documents and items fall over from their perches. These are sure fire signs that I should stay in today, I suspect higher powers may be at work.

I manage to leave on time today and as I walk into town, Moyles is on form but he is interrupted by my phone ringing. I answer and it is the guy from Hays asking me how I felt the interview on Friday went. I stutter out some stuff, trying to concoct the kind of stuff I think he wants to hear. He tells me that he will be speaking to Rose today with the hope of getting an answer and that when he does he will get back to me.

I stumble into work before time, being the first of Chernobyl to arrive. Today is a real dry day. I get receive an email from Phoebe, responding to her brush off Friday and she answers “I’m so glad we feel the same�. Except we really do not, she is knocking anything on the head without giving it a try whereas I’m admitting me and her don’t stand a chance because of logistics. Seems I’d be willing to go out of my way for her but she wouldn’t me, she won’t meet me halfway. Her nonchalance annoys me somewhat.

At lunchtime I manage to return to the office from lunch with it empty and I get the chance to call Eva as I said I would. Again she sounds really funny on the phone and an appointment gets suggests for Tuesday or Friday with her telling me that Friday would be better. I agree on this and she begins to ask me what I would like and I feel funny discussing such things over the phone, in such clinical terms. Fortunately at this point Sandip returns and comes in on my conversation so I tell her that I will just have to email her about Friday. It is now cast in stone.

In the afternoon we begin making plans for five-a-side football this week and I text Ben to see if he wants to play, considering half our team are crocked and a bunch of flids. He responds almost immediately with an affirmative.

After work, in the evening, I do a cereal run for grocery shopping, my home eats/diets now mainly consists of Corn Flakes, not least because Kellogg’s have recently been giving away free DVDs with their jumbo boxes. In the past month, I have probably eaten more Corn Flakes than I have in the rest of my combined life. Am I sick of their taste yet? You guess and you bet I am.

For the remainder, the evening is horrible. As a result of Phoebe being the latest lady to blow me out, once more again I feel that all is hopeless and that all is lost. All efforts made once more have been reduced to wasted efforts to get to know somebody and really be part of their life in the pursuit of happiness (or something). Basically, I’m just gutted.

All in all, the great weekend combined with shit love and shit work life exhausts me and I actually forget that tonight I really needed to have a bath. Whoops, instead I just fall asleep clothed on top of my bed.

I actually wake up in time to catch the Sopranos and I watch it in my living room, chilling out and now partially tidy, my lounge area (complete with new big TV) is almost comfortable.

This too shall pass.

np: Superchunk – The First Part


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