August 29 (Sunday): Crisis In The Love Zone. Panic, my parents are coming to my flat today so it is emergency stations and a full makeover of my flat is required. Yeah, that will happen.

I begin the slog around 8 AM, luckily I awake without the headache (pre-hangover) I was struggling against last night. Soon enough though, Sara is hitting me on MSN from work in Dubai. Needless to say this disrupts my flow and soon after the usual telling me “how much more better it is in Dubai� she begins telling me how good she is at giving relationship counselling. Whatever, “give me some then� is my big mistake. For my sins I get: “my advice to you is this: you have no problem meeting women and establishing good friendships with them. You have no problems in being friends with a woman, its when you develop feelings for the woman that you cant handle. You do one of two things: 1. Become nasty and start being viscous about them. 2. Become obsessive about them. What you need to do is have more confidence in yourself, carry on being their friend but advance romantically lightly (as you have done with phoebe). BUT make it known that you have feeling for the person concerned. You also have to stop this "all women are bitches" at the end of the day thing. Its wrong. If you get rejected then dont bad-mouth the woman it will just give her more reasoning as to why she was right to reject you as she will find out what you have said. Dont get too drunk in the presence of a woman you like if you are in a bad mood you can be nasty.� And then she goes “listen, im going to text some thing ok� and I receive a multi text going “I slept with my boss on Thursday night, we didnt have sex or anything like that but i don’t know what to do, he is out of country for a week which is good but he said we should be each others ‘bootie call’ you can comment back on msn but i couldnt tell you story as it goes on our server�.

Grief, it is barely midday, my parents have not arrived and I feel exhausted and want to go back to bed. Ultimately though, at the end of the day it is easier for a fat girl to get laid than a fat bloke.

All things stop to watch Amir Khan in the Olympics boxing final. Unfortunately however my parents turn up pretty much on the crack of midday and I don’t even get to see the little bitch box his way to a silver medal (in other words, lose).

I find it one of the most stressful things going to have my parents around my apartment, around my home. On cue, mum will begin cleaning the bathroom and/or kitchen whilst dad will begin immediately making DIY suggestions and the pair of them will be criticising the whole while. About a minute after they arrive I suggest we go out for lunch, I really have not been able to sufficiently paper up the cracks with regards to sorting the flat. My fear of my parents making discoveries in my flat comes over as attitude from me to them making the whole visit and icy affair to say the least, I look at my father on my couch and he looks so fucking angry at me.

I manage to drag them to a place called Old King Coel which is part of the Hungry Horse chain, so it is far from the high brow chow I have recently become accustomed to. The meal (my treat) actually chills everyone out and we begin to enjoy ourselves, actually beginning to act like sociable adults to eachother. I have a really great lasagne and dad has a pretty good peppered steak and for a meal for three just over £20, it is really really good food. The meal ends up being thoroughly enjoyable and when we leave, we part on very good ways/terms.

The remainder of my day is a typical snorer Sunday. I mildly attempt to finish off tidying my flat but then I (probably) get looking at porno on the internet and Popbeach 2004 on T4 featuring all kinds of pop (which ultimately isn’t that different to porno either). Just before teatime, the movie The Swarm comes on and it was once the most frightening film I had ever seen. Today however, it is laughable, boring and sends me to sleep.

In the evening, I finally get my new TV set up and I re-acquaint myself with my VCR and Playstation 2, digging out PS2 games I have had for months and never actually played. The last thing in the evening is the movie Magnolia, which also sends me to sleep as soon as. Have I got narcolepsy or something?

np: Apples In Stereo – Tidal Wave